A Friend Or Foe?

For the very first time after nearly four years of schooling, my son said to me this morning that he did not want to go to school. He did not have a specific reason. Infact, he had quite a few. All of which, I knew, was not the real story.

Of late, he has been having some issues with a friend. Or should I say, a boy who was once a friend. I don't really know the root of the problem, but there has been punching, pinching, name calling and other forms of bullying going on. My son seems to be on the receiving end although I fairly suspect he does retaliate in kind. At first I thought it was just boys rough housing during play. But it has gone on for awhile and I think it is time to put an end to it.

My immediate reaction was to go all komando on the other boy and his parents if need be. I mean, he is  after all bullying my baby! But thankfully I had some sense to hold my emotions back. It was not easy though, let me tell you. We just want our children to go to school, learn, have fun, make friends and come home safe. When things like this happens, you feel like you have lost control and that you cannot keep your child safe anymore. That really is a scary feeling.

I talked it through with my son, outlined right and wrong behaviours and told him how he should stand up for himself. He asked if he could hit back if he was hit first. I was at a delimma. I have been sending  my son to taekwondo classes ever since he was three years old. They essentially teach that you have a right to defend yourself if attacked. They teach you to react, to protect yourself. Never to instigate. What was I to tell him? No? That he could not protect himself? It was his right to do so.

So I told him this. I said, if the other boy hits him or tries to hurt him in anyway, protect himself, but immediately report to a teacher and tell them exactly what happened. I explained that defending himself was to either block or push the other boy's hands or legs away from him. In other words, deflect his attacks. I also told him that his voice is a powerful weapon and to shout out loudly if he was threatened. Shouting 'No!' or 'Stop!' loudly will bring unwanted attention to the bully and he will be intimidated.

Have I given him the right advice, I do not know. For now, I think it will do. He has promised to try and do as I said. He wants to try it out to see if it actually works. I will keep a close eye on this issue. I just pray it will be resolved soon before it escalates into something else.