I have a certain routine every weekday once I send my son and hubby off to their respective destinations; school and work. I have about four hours to cook, clean, potter about doing mummy things and if I am lucky, squeeze just a little bit of time to do my own thing. Monday to Friday, 8.00 a.m. to 12.00 noon, thats how my mornings are set.
The rest of the day is also kind of like a clockwork, as taking care of my son and my niece fills up pretty much the whole afternoon right up until bed time at night. That's when my routine switches to picking them up from school, giving them their meals, lesson time with mum and finally outside activities which I have to get them to on time.
But a funny thing happened today. My routine became unroutined, and I got thrown off balance in my own home. I finally knew how a round peg felt in a square hole. I felt disoriented and seemed to stumble about with my chores, unable to pick any one to do first.
The reson for my day becoming unroutined? My hubby. He decided on the spur of the moment to take a couple of days off work. Spur of the moment being when he woke up on this perfectly beautiful and promising morning and just decided on the spot he deserved two days off. That's two days off my weekday! My perfectly syncronised weekday, where I have finetuned a lovely rythmn to which beat I move fluidly through.
But there was no music today. I had no rythmn. I spent the rest of the day doing the side step around my blissfully happy hubby who was unaware how he had unroutined my day. I shudder to think of tomorrow.
November 12, 2009
October 24, 2009
Good Things
Just imagine a day that is so perfect. Nothing makes you start, stumble or fall even. Just a perfectly 'normal', blissful day. A rarity for some people, a norm in, I hope, lot's of families. That's what I had today. And I damn well took advantage of it and had a wonderful time. So there! I don't give a hoot what anyone thinks. I did it, and had a blast!
I had planned for it to continue and party well into the night, but guess what? "All good things must come to an end". I guess whoever said that knew what they were talking about. Because, thats exactly what happened. Like a splash of cold water on a warm mood, plans changed like pants on fire. So now, l sit here all alone, remembering the wonderful time I had and regretting the what if's and what not's that could have happened. How come nobody mentioned good things are shortlived?
October 22, 2009
Hope
It literally feels like the layers of burden are falling of me. As I slowly sell away all the things that I had bought as part of my business nearly two years ago, I feel as though I am peeling away at the bindings that have captured my soul. I can actually breathe now. There is a lightness in my heart. There is a skip in my step. And I find myself smiling for no reason at all. I am actually working my way towards happiness. The guilt and frustration I have felt for failing in what I had endevoured to do, is slowly being replaced by strength and a resolve to move forward. I can actually see a light at the end of the tunnel. I can let myself believe that there maybe something else out there for me. I have hope.
October 6, 2009
September 26, 2009
Loosing Your Identity
Its a huge wake up call when you suddenly realise you dont have an identity. You are a nobody. It will suddenly dawn on you when you notice that you are being taken for granted. It could start with those at home, it could be your immediate family members or even friends. Suddenly, your needs are secondary, if not unimportant. You dont have plans. You dont have opinions. You dont have a say, period. Thats when you sit back and realise, hey, when did I not matter. Unfortunately, it must have been going on for sometime before you actually took notice of it. But no one cared to clue you in, as your needs did not matter. You are a nobody.
Its actually an awakening, albeit a rude one. Its an eye opener. For literally, your eyes pop open in disbelieve. The how's, why's, when's all become jumbled questions in your mind racing for attention, racing to be addressed first. Denial, anger, frustration, shame all become a cocktail of emotions bubbling up to the surface in hot tears. Rage aimed at everyone who has treated you less than you are. Ultimately, rage at yourself, for letting yourself become a nobody.
Then, the journey begins. The journey of self discovery, reinvention and creating a new identity. You begin to re-examine where your journey has taken you thus far, and where you wanted to be. You will ask yourself if you want to continue with the experience of the journey as it has become, realign the track you have let derail, or totally abandon the whole journey itself, and create a whole new destination from this very moment onwards.
That is exactly what I have done. I have abandoned my old destination. I have commenced cleaning up the debri that I have let fall on the tracks of my heart, soul and my conscience. I am charting my new destination. And I am excited to begin my journey anew. This time I am determined to not let my life derail. This time, I will be somebody.
Its actually an awakening, albeit a rude one. Its an eye opener. For literally, your eyes pop open in disbelieve. The how's, why's, when's all become jumbled questions in your mind racing for attention, racing to be addressed first. Denial, anger, frustration, shame all become a cocktail of emotions bubbling up to the surface in hot tears. Rage aimed at everyone who has treated you less than you are. Ultimately, rage at yourself, for letting yourself become a nobody.
Then, the journey begins. The journey of self discovery, reinvention and creating a new identity. You begin to re-examine where your journey has taken you thus far, and where you wanted to be. You will ask yourself if you want to continue with the experience of the journey as it has become, realign the track you have let derail, or totally abandon the whole journey itself, and create a whole new destination from this very moment onwards.
That is exactly what I have done. I have abandoned my old destination. I have commenced cleaning up the debri that I have let fall on the tracks of my heart, soul and my conscience. I am charting my new destination. And I am excited to begin my journey anew. This time I am determined to not let my life derail. This time, I will be somebody.
September 23, 2009
Family Gatherings
We have had the most tiring and eventful two weeks of our lives. Being married with kids is one thing. Being married with kids and a large extended family that comes down from all over the world for family funtions and stay for a minimum of two weeks...phew!!...is entirely another thing.
The saying that the world is too small is absolutely right. Just because a large number of family members live overseas does not make things any easier for those who live at home. When uncles, aunties, cousins and spouses, neices and nephews come back for family functions, its like a wirlwind of get togethers....lunches and dinners and anything inbetween and after dark trying to catch up on everything and everyone. There's all sorts of reasons to celebrate, making up for missed births and birthdays, graduations and retirements, marriages and (sometimes unfortunately) divorces and deaths.
Now that the last group has left, and all things are slowing coming back to normal, we can expect a different kind of excitement. Those left behind will slowly "share" the little bits of information told to one person and not to the other, until sooner than later, the gossip mill would be running overtime. Well, that should keep us entertained until the next big family get together!
You are welcome happy telcos!
The saying that the world is too small is absolutely right. Just because a large number of family members live overseas does not make things any easier for those who live at home. When uncles, aunties, cousins and spouses, neices and nephews come back for family functions, its like a wirlwind of get togethers....lunches and dinners and anything inbetween and after dark trying to catch up on everything and everyone. There's all sorts of reasons to celebrate, making up for missed births and birthdays, graduations and retirements, marriages and (sometimes unfortunately) divorces and deaths.
Now that the last group has left, and all things are slowing coming back to normal, we can expect a different kind of excitement. Those left behind will slowly "share" the little bits of information told to one person and not to the other, until sooner than later, the gossip mill would be running overtime. Well, that should keep us entertained until the next big family get together!
You are welcome happy telcos!
September 10, 2009
Blogging Mum
I am officially a blogger now.... I am a blogging mum. Armed and dangerous with tales from the crib. The victims will be everyone, everything and anything that grabs my attention at that moment. So watch out.....
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